I journal a lot, especially when things get rough. It’s cool looking back at all the things God has brought me through. It’s also embarrassing to see just how many of these journal entries were about girls, or me asking God to bring me a girlfriend. So much of my time and energy growing up had all been focused on relationships. At one point I even recognized that I had been trying to grow closer to God so that he might turn around and bless me with a girlfriend. I’d be willing to wager that I’m not alone in this. So, how do we tear down this idol?
Step #1: Recognize the Truth
Here I am at the age of twenty-six and I’m finally in my first relationship. I had a whole twenty-four years to craft in my mind what I thought a relationship would be like. After all this time, you can bet my idea of dating was pretty fantastic. It was a fantasy beyond my wildest dreams. But that was the problem: it was a fantasy.
The truth is, relationships may solve some problems, but they also bring up more problems. Sure, maybe I don’t feel alone right now, but now I sometimes catch myself panicking about holding someone else’s love. I mean, that’s a huge responsibility. What if I mess up and crush her heart? What if I break her trust and she never learns to open up to someone again?
Or, what about those days, or weeks when you just don’t feel in-love? The movies never told me about that! Isn’t it just supposed to be easy and fun? Aren’t those warm and fuzzy emotions just supposed to follow me every day for the rest of my life? Sorry guys, but the answer here is again a no.
Relationships are great and good. But they don’t solve your problems. If you expect them to do so, then that’s a huge indicator that you are idolizing relationships.
Step #2: Only God Satisfies
Here’s another depressing fact, once you get into a relationship that wow-this-is-so-special feeling disappears after about a month. After that month it just becomes normal. All things grow old. Kind of like what happened after you finally got your drivers license and then realized the main reason your parents let you get your license was so you could drive your younger brother to soccer practice. Or like when we dream for months about getting the new Xbox for Christmas and then a month later we consider it “just another Xbox”.
I’m sure you’ve seen this play out in your life in several ways already. You hear about some new activity, and everyone says it is the coolest thing. That first time you do it, it is super fun, same with the second time, and third. Then gradually it no longer satisfies you and you go off to find that next fun activity. This is the same with relationships and virtually everything in our universe.
King Solomon, the wisest man to have ever lived, says this “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:14). He also says in 1:16-17 “‘I have increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.’ Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.”
After twenty years of following Jesus, I have come to discover the same as Solomon: nothing on earth satisfies. However, in those same twenty years, I’ve also seen how Jesus sustains me and fills me with life, joy, peace, and purpose. Jesus satisfies. The more you lean on him, the more vibrant your life will become.
Step #3: Put Jesus First
If you try to find your meaning or satisfaction in a relationship, then I can promise you it will quickly go bad. That’s a lot of pressure you are putting on someone else. What are you going to do when they mess up, or let you down? I promise you, your significant other will fail or disappoint you at one point or another.
Only when Jesus is first in your life can you be healthy enough outside of a relationship to then be able to be healthy inside a relationship. Think about this, two massively insecure people in a relationship with each other will both end up hurt. They will both hide their true selves, and will ultimately be in the relationship to take out of it rather than put into it. Their focus is on themselves, not each other.
Now, if you get two people who are confident in themselves and putting Christ first, then they don’t need to fill some void in themselves. They can instead divert all that energy into enjoying and loving the other person. That’s a good relationship. And that can only come when you recognize a relationship cannot satisfy you.
I am in this fight with you. I still need to break down the idol of relationships in my mind in order to put Christ first. It’s a fight worth fighting, but it’s not an easy one.
What has helped you put Christ above relationships? Please comment below.
Also, if you don’t know what I mean when I say “idols”, I’d encourage you to check out my last post Breaking Down our Idols
Spending time reading the Bible each morning, growing closer to Jesus, helps remind me that He’s my source of joy and love. It also fills me up so I can encourage my husband with the love of Christ.
That’s great! And I bet by doing that you find even more joy, love, and peace in your marriage than you could find in it if you were actively turning to your marriage to satisfy you!